Thames Rockets River Cruise: 35mph to Canary Wharf, £59.95

Thames Rockets is the river cruise for people who find river cruises slow. Its Ultimate London Adventure leaves the London Eye Pier, Boarding Gate 1, SE1 7PB. After a guided crawl past Big Ben and The Shard it opens up to 35mph through the Docklands toward Canary Wharf. Departures run hourly and the company sails all year, with adult tickets from £59.95 and child tickets from £49.95 on the official site.

The company calls the Ultimate London Adventure its original experience, and it still follows the same two-act shape. Act one is sightseeing at river pace: the boat slips out from beneath the London Eye and passes Big Ben, Shakespeare's Globe, The Shard and Tower Bridge while a guide, billed as a professional actor or comedian, keeps up quick-fire commentary. Expect jokes aimed at the passengers as much as at the landmarks.

Act two starts once you pass under Tower Bridge. The engines open up, the boat climbs to 35mph and twists through the wide bends of the Docklands toward Canary Wharf, with a loud playlist pumping from the speakers. Thames Rockets sums the feeling up as loud and fast, and passengers describe it as a roller coaster on water. There is no sitting on an open deck sipping tea here. You stay seated, hold the grab handle in front of you and get sprayed.

The Ultimate London Adventure is the right first ride for most people and the one that covers the most landmarks. If you are watching the budget, the Early Bird Blast is listed from £45.45 for adults and £38.45 for children, the cheapest public seat on the menu. For a longer outing, the Thames Barrier Voyage runs much further down river to the great steel gates of the Thames Barrier and is listed from £79.95 for adults and £64.95 for children.

Package trips add a second attraction. Rocket Revolution pairs the speedboat with a London Eye flight, and Rockets and Reefs pairs it with the Sea Life aquarium next door. Both make sense if you were going to queue for those attractions anyway. Private 12-passenger sailings such as the Ultimate Pirate Party suit birthdays and office outings. The honest call for a first visit: skip the add-on packages and spend the saved money on lunch along the South Bank afterwards.

Check-in is 15 minutes before departure at the London Eye Pier, and the terms are blunt about lateness. If you miss your departure, you are not moved to a later boat and you are not refunded. Tickets are non-refundable and non-transferable, but the company's 24-hour rebooking promise lets you change a public departure if you email at least 24 hours ahead. Each standard boat carries a maximum of 12 people, and a sailing needs at least eight passengers to go ahead, so the crew may reschedule a thinly booked slot.

Lifejackets are provided and must be worn for the whole trip, and you get a safety briefing before departure. Passengers stay seated throughout unless the crew say otherwise. Pregnant passengers are not allowed on board at any stage of pregnancy, and the company advises against travelling with neck or back conditions, because RIBs move unpredictably at speed. Alcohol, food and drinks are not allowed on the boat, and animals are not permitted apart from guide dogs arranged in advance.

You will get wet in proportion to the weather and where you sit. The official advice is to dress for the conditions, and jackets and ponchos are available on request at the pier. In late October that means a warm layer under a waterproof, a hat that will not fly off, and nothing you would mind getting splashed with river water. Thames Rockets says passengers are responsible for their own property, so zip phones and wallets into an inside pocket before the throttle opens.

Children count as 14 and under and must travel with a responsible adult. On private charters the company sets strict ratios: three adults for every child under six, two adults for children aged seven to 12, and one adult per child over 12. Wheelchair users are welcome but there is no space for a wheelchair on board, so passengers need to transfer with a carer's help and sit unaided on the boat.

Thames Rockets lists a shelf of awards on its homepage. VisitEngland named it Family Friendly Attraction of the Year in 2017, TripAdvisor gave it a Travellers' Choice award in 2020, and in 2024 Arival named it the European winner for adventure tours and activities. The company also points to more than 10,000 reviews on TripAdvisor, many of them about the guides.

That focus on the guides is the real reason to choose this over a quiet sightseeing boat. The commentary is written to make a carful of strangers laugh, and the regulars in the reviews are office teams and repeat birthday groups who come back for the performance as much as the speed. If you want calm facts about every bridge, book a traditional boat instead. If you want your teenagers to look up from the view and actually shout, this is the one.

The London Eye Pier puts you in the busiest corner of the South Bank, so arrive with time to spare and use it well. Jubilee Gardens sits beside the pier, the Southbank Centre and Royal Festival Hall are a short walk east along the river path, and Westminster Bridge leads across to the Houses of Parliament for the classic photograph. If the ride leaves you shaky, walk it off along the Queen's Walk toward the National Theatre and the book stalls under Waterloo Bridge.

Plan B for a cancelled or full slot: the company runs departures hourly, so ask at the ticket office about the next boat before walking away. If the river is closed by weather, the London Eye and Sea Life are next door, and both work as indoor or above-the-weather alternatives.

Meeting point: The London Eye Pier, Boarding Gate 1, London SE1 7PB. Departures run hourly all year, bookable seven days a week. Ultimate London Adventure: adults from £59.95, children from £49.95. Early Bird Blast from £45.45. Thames Barrier Voyage from £79.95. Check in 15 minutes early. Lifejackets are compulsory, no food, drink or alcohol on board, and pregnant passengers cannot sail. Keep your post-ride South Bank plans in the Karpo APP so you are not deciding while soaked.