Creepy Mini Golf in Shoreditch: Ted's Crazy Golf

Ted's Crazy Golf London opened on 16 October at 78 Great Eastern Street in Shoreditch, directly opposite the Hoxton Hotel, with two creepy nine-hole courses and a retro diner attached. If you want mini golf in East London with a horror-movie streak, this is the newest room in the area. Walk-ins are welcome when there is space, tee times run from 4pm on weekdays, and every guest needs physical photo ID at the door.

Ted's is so new that its homepage still carries the opening banner for 16 October. The London site is the second Ted's after Ted's Oxford, and both are run from the same website and booking engine, so you can switch between the two venues on the ticket page. The pitch is unusual for a crazy golf bar: instead of seaside nostalgia or sleek tech, Ted's builds what it calls a twisted world, with trash-talking props and toys that bite back.

Because it has only been trading for a week, expect the room to feel fresh and staff to still be learning the course quirks. That cuts both ways. Fixtures are brand new, but online reviews are thin, so there is no settled wisdom yet about which holes are the hardest. Treat your first visit as a scouting round and keep score honestly.

The first course, Bad Bones, sends you to the other side. You board a pedalo ferry as part of the route and play through nine holes guarded by gargoyles, skeletons, sea serpents and a Venus flytrap, all of which are designed to heckle you between shots. The finale features what Ted's calls the Cat Bat Spider, a creature that sounds like a bad dream and is placed to make the last putt awkward.

Bad Bones is the better pick for a Halloween-week visit. The theme is properly spooky rather than cute, and the ferry section breaks up the rhythm of a normal round so even non-golfers in the group stay interested. It is also the course where groups tend to linger for photos, so if a party ahead of you is posing with the skeletons, let them finish rather than crowding the tee.

The second course, Toys Bite, swaps graveyards for a playroom gone wrong. Its nine holes are built around retro toys: blood-thirsty robots, vampire teddy bears and a jack-in-the-box called Buddy In a Box, who guards the route with obvious bad intentions. The style is closer to a dark cartoon than a haunted house, which makes it the gentler choice for teenagers or anyone who scares easily.

If you cannot decide, Ted's sells both nine-hole and eighteen-hole tickets. An 18-hole ticket covers both courses: finish the first, walk back to the start area, and a member of staff sets you up on the second. That is the best way to judge the place properly, because the two courses have completely different personalities and pacing.

Ted's publishes its ticket types but not its prices, which only appear inside the booking system. Alongside standard 9-hole and 18-hole tickets there is a student discount, valid online and on walk-in tickets for the ID holder only, and a family ticket covering four players on one course, either two adults and two children or one adult and three children, with a maximum child age of 16.

The ID policy is strict. Ted's runs Challenge 25, and only physical photo ID is accepted: passports, driving licences, provisional licences or PASS cards. Phone photos, scans and digital IDs are refused, and tickets are not refunded if you are turned away. Under-18s are welcome Sunday to Friday until 7pm, with the last slot at 6pm, and on Saturday until 4pm, with the last slot at 3pm.

Food comes from the Deadbeat Diner, a spin on a retro American diner. The short menu runs to 11-inch sourdough pizzas, Margherita or pepperoni, plus three hot dogs on brioche rolls: classic, cheese, and chilli cheese with jalapenos. Sides are sweet or sweet-and-salty popcorn and two-scoop ice cream cups, and vegan options are available on request at the counter.

The drinks list leans sugary and fun. Cocktails include the American Scream with passionfruit, Absolut Vanilla and cream soda, the Cherry Cherry Cola with Jack Daniel's and Disaronno, and Ted's Tropical Punch with mango and two rums. Venice Beach Ice Blasts come in flavours such as Blue Raspberry and Miami Vice. An honest tip: skip the second round of slushies if you plan to play eighteen holes, because sugar crashes ruin putting.

The posted opening hours are Tuesday to Thursday 4pm to 11pm, Friday 4pm to 11:30pm, Saturday 12pm to 11:30pm and Sunday 12pm to 8pm. Last golf is one hour before close. The timetable lists no Monday session, so do not plan a Monday night here. Saturday afternoon is the only window when under-18s can play on a weekend day, so expect families until 4pm.

Ted's says a visit usually lasts between one and one and a half hours, covering check-in, ordering food and one nine-hole course. Arrive at the time printed on your ticket, because latecomers may be sent straight to the course without time to order. If you need to change or cancel, the venue can refund or amend bookings up to 48 hours before your slot.

The venue sits between the Hoxton Hotel and the Art Hotel on Great Eastern Street, three minutes on foot from Old Street station. Before your slot, walk two minutes north to Hoxton Square, a small square ringed by bars and galleries that fills up on warm evenings. It is a good place to gather a late-running group without blocking the Ted's entrance.

After golf, Shoreditch High Street is ten minutes away, with Boxpark's shipping-container food stalls beside the station. On a Sunday, time an early afternoon round with a morning walk through Columbia Road Flower Market, a fifteen-minute walk east, then come back for the 12pm opening. Brick Lane's bagel shops are the obvious late snack if the diner has closed.

Ted's Crazy Golf London is at 78 Great Eastern Street, London EC2A 3JL. The nearest station is Old Street (Northern line and National Rail), three minutes away, with Shoreditch High Street Overground and Liverpool Street about ten minutes on foot. The venue publishes no public phone number: contact is through WhatsApp and email links on the website, and groups of ten or more use the enquiry form.

There is a free cloakroom, subject to space, which helps on rainy nights. Courses involve ramps, steps, low obstacles and tight spacing, and seating is limited, so guests with mobility needs should contact the venue before booking. To add a player, buy an extra ticket for the same course and slot. Bring a physical ID for every adult, even on a group booking.